we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
