Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
