how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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