i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
