Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
