can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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