gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I didn't notice because vodka
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
