mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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