I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
