Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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