May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
