I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
