Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
