I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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