do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
