I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
