I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
