Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
