just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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