Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
