I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
