Im at strip club and am horny
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
