Can Purell be used as lube?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
