you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
