Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
