so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
