Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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