Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
