The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize