Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
