Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize