just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
