so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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