Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
