Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
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Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have aggressive nipples.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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