he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
