I think I am morally bankrupt
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
