She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
