my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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