I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
