New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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