i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
