i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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