is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We need a shit load of segways right now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
