So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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