A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
