I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
