I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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