i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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