Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
