names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
