I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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