I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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