i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
