i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
