How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she woke up with a sticky ear
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
