What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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