I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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