Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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