Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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