Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
