the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
