I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
